Today we went to Brisbane CBD, and parked our car at QUT's Gardens Point Campus. This is the campus that I had studies and worked for a long time. I am familiar with everywhere and everything, including the lawns, the buildings and the classrooms. The giant "Undersea World" animation screen is still there at P block, and thus we stepped into it and let the kids play there for a while. Many times in the past I felt embarrassed to come to QUT, especially I was afraid to accidentally meet someone I had known before, but this time I am relieved. I know I am innocent and I have done nothing wrong. This is why I have no longer been afraid to face anyone or anything.
My previous office is located at Level 7 of the building. I still clearly remember that in the then Head of School's office, a Dutch professor that I once admired, blamed me for my presentation to some business stakeholders, "Your understanding of the theory is correct, your method to the investigation is sensible, your conclusion is objective, but you are wrong to directly speak out the conclusion in front of the business stakeholders as your result will make them very unhappy." At that time I really thought I had done something wrong or guilty. Ten years later, I stood in the building and thought of that conversation. Though I know he really criticised me, I've no longer think it to be my guilty, but instead, to be something that I should be proud of. At least I am brave enough to speak out my research findings in front of business stakeholders, even when my conclusion is said to potentially make them very upset and annoyed.
I watched a documentary on ABC iView last year, which was about a man who was undertaken a gender reassignment surgery as a new born baby due to a genital different from normal people's, agreed by his parents and recommended by a doctor. This surgery caused all traumas of his whole life. He later found out the doctor and asked him why he did this to bring him all those sufferings. The doctor said he was sorry for the man's suffering, but he made this decision because he wanted to help him as this was what was suggested on the textbook and the trainings in hospital after he graduated, though he knew it was no longer suggested in nowadays' material. In fact, the wrong suggestion was a result of a fake medical research.
The doctor intended to help the then newborn boy to make that decision but the decision in fact harmed him. There were many incidents happened during my days at QUT as a researcher. All these contributed to my eventually leaving from research. In the past I thought these incidents hurt me a lot. But without them, how could I really escape? After understanding this, I've no longer annoyed of anyone or anything. All have become history, and I have a much better life.
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